True Story

We pulled out onto Richmond Road, snow covered and icy. We were leaving Lexington. I turned left into the lot of the bakery we were going to for breakfast. A cop followed...with his lights on. Uh-oh.

He first asked for license and registration, then what this 'Invisible Children' thing is. The standard. He says we didn't have a rear license plate. Pretty normal.

"Do you have any weapons in the vehicle?" the Sergeant Lewis asked.

"Um I have this pocket knife," I said, pointing to the black knife in the cupholder.

He replies, "No sir...I mean like bazookas, machine guns or firearms." Bazookas was first on the list.

He then says, "Have you been drinking?"

"I'm sorry..."

"I can smell alcohol in the vehicle."

"OK..." It was 9 am.

"Can you step out of the vehicle, Mr. Bartlett?"

I threw it in reverse and gunned it. I sprayed snow in his face and railed out of the parking lot yelling, "Invisible Children, Sucka!"

Just kidding. I got out of the car. Standing in the snow, he gave me a field of sobriety test. I was laughing a little. I then had to blow into a breathalizer. I passed! I wasn't drunk at 9:30 in the morning. I guess I had bad breath.

He gave us a ticket for no seatbelts. Whoops.

The end.